Am I an alcoholic? Part 2

First glass down. Pouring the second. Still carefully estimating how much I want - taste-wise.

I'm comfortable now. The telly is good and it's making me feel warm inside now. Or is that the vodka. Doesn't matter I'm happy - that's whats important. Not why. I just am. I'm happy and I'm safe and I'm comfortable.

Content.

My mind slows down. Bliss. All that's going on is my hand movements from glass to face and enjoying the mindless entertainment on the TV. I needed this. This is my escape.

I didn't feel like I needed to escape. But when I do, escape, I realize how much I needed it.

Second glass down. Pouring the third. Little more Vodka now this time. The first two built me up and I can handle a bit more taste in the glass now. And it's high time I stepped the drunk up a notch. Everything is funnier then anyway and I want to have a good night.

Gonna go on Facebook and have a nosey and what's going on. More mindless entertaniment - exactly what I need. And I know when I go on Facebook with a few drinks I'll speak to people I wouldn't normally sober. I like that though because it's good to keep in touch. I'm always more emotional with a few drinks. That's good though it's important. I'm glad I can be that person. With a few drinks. I could probably be that person without a few drinks, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much.

There's a little pang from my bladder. I'll ignore it for a little bit. Don't want to break the seal just yet. There's plenty more liquids to come! And besides, the first time standing up since sitting down and feeling how drunk I am is a little highlight of the night. Lets me know I'm doing it right. The getting drunk and relaxing. I'm good at that. But I'm not drunk enough yet to stand up and feel it so I'll wait until I am. That reminds me. Pour the 4th. Make it a large. Lets get hammered. I wanna sway to that bathroom.

My night is a balanced mix of laughing, pouring, joking on facebook, drinking and weeing. It's 1am. I still have vodka left, that's good. I hate when I officially finish a bottle. I like to say - "I didn't drink a full bottle are you crazy, look there's loads left in that".

Anyway, the telly's gone boring, I'm starting to feel a little sick. Gonna hit the sack. I'll just have another little drink before I go up. I like this shopping channel. It's my favorite.

To be continued

Am I an alcoholic? Part 1

It's Friday afternoon and I'm in work. It's after lunch and I settle back into my afternoon tasks.

I can't wait to go home and get drunk. Seriously drunk. I want to go home, have a shower, get into my lounge-wear, sit on the couch, turn the TV on and have a Vodka.

Come on 5pm. I need to get home. I hope the bus gets through the traffic quickly today. I can feel the craving getting stronger. Damn it, why did I think about this so soon!

I really shouldn't drink tonight. I want to go out tomorrow night for that birthday party. I'm looking forward to it - I don't want to be hungover at it. I'll just have a couple when I get home to take the edge off.

I get home and put the bottle of Vodka and the bottle of Coke on the counter in the kitchen and say 'See ye soon'. Did I actually just say that to inanimate objects? Yes I did and I do it all the time so don't pretend to be shocked by it. And don't call them inanimate - you'll hurt their feelings. Sorry, Love you.

Jump in the shower, get into something comfortable. Do whatever little bits need doing in the house. I don't want anything nagging me to be done while I'm having my drink. The first sip initiates the start of my blissful evening and the end of my working day/week. All done, All clean and fresh - I'll sit down now.

I'll keep the bottle of Vodka and the bottle of Coke beside me. I don't want to have to get up unless I really need to. I don't need ice. I've learned not to like it - takes up too much room in the glass.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. There it is. That first sip. Instant Relief. The week washes away in that second. I can also tell from that first sip just how drunk I may or may not be tonight. I'll have another sip now, bigger than the first and I'll let that sit in my mouth for a few seconds before I swallow it.

It's on now. Another sigh of relief.

I'll have a flick through the TV channels, deciding what I want to watch for this evenings entertainment. I hate not having a seamless flow of entertainment. It can ruin my buzz sometimes. I HATE that.

Ah good - I love this show! Sit back, take another big sup. Ooooooh yes that's nice.

I'm home now.

-To Be Continued -

Strike a pose - Create a scene!

I'm an international Pop-Star. I have preformed to millions of people. I have played the most sought after venue's at the most prestigious events.

I have also silenced a room in bars all over the world with my amazing vocal and dance performances at Karaoke.

I am the owner of earphones and an MP3 player. My talent is limitless.

Earphones in. Music on. It's showtime.

Today is a funeral. Someone asked me to sing this beautiful song at the funeral of their loved one. I wowed the crowd and eased their pain.

Yesterday me and my friends did a gig in a bar for Karaoke night. We won of course. I was the lead. I also choreographed the ENTIRE routine which went down a storm and had everyone up on their feet.

Tomorrow I'm thinking it's going to be a choreographed routine that will go viral and make me known and sought after all over the world. 

That would've been today but I had to get off the bus cos it was at my stop. Earphones out. Music off. 

Back to reality.

I love commuting.

Am an I alcoholic? Part 3

Ugh - I hope it's not too early....Where's my phone???

I don't even remember how I got to bed. Ugh.

9.30am. Aaah no, I don't think so. I'm going back to sleep. If I can get a lie on then I might sleep off my hangover and I'll be on form for tonight for the party.

DAMN IT! I'm gonna have to get up and pee. It's not gonna go away. This better not wake me up for good.

I'm tossing and turning. Eyes feel like they're burning but my mind is not letting me go asleep. I'll check Facebook. And the news. Oh god cringe did I put that on his status!? I suppose it's not too bad, it wasn't too late and it doesn't scream 'drunken fool'....I can definitely explain that one away if I need to! I love how diplomatic I can be on Facebook when I'm drunk. I always feel a profound sense of achievement when I haven't embarrassed myself.

I'm just gonna chill out in bed for a while. Jesus I'm hungry. Gonna get something to eat. I need meat or something.

7pm. Been on the couch all day. Haven't moved. Ordered a take out at 6pm. It was lovely - hit the spot.
I haven't felt hungover - cos I haven't moved. I really, really hope I'm physically able to get drunk tonight. I should be, I feel fine.

Shower, clothes. Pour a drink. Take a sip. Break out in a vodka sweat.

SHIT. I'm screwed for the night now. Fake Smiling. Pretending to hear what people say.

FML. Why did I drink last night? I wish I could've waiting until tonight. Story of my life.

Well vodka I'm annoyed with you now. Well and truly. I'm never speaking to you again until Friday.

Career Karma

When does what we do for a living become part of what gives us our Karma?

Does Karma forgive what we do to earn our crust? Or do we have more responsibility than we think despite the financial backlash?

Credit Controllers, Debt Collecters, Bounty Hunters, Loan Approval Agents, Interviewers, Process Servers.

I work in Credit Control for an Energy Company. Everyday it is my duty to disconnect Electricity and Gas Supply for customers who haven't been paying. 

These customers get plenty of chances to pay. Reminder letters, Emails, Texts, Phone Calls, Warning Letters - Even the option of a pre-payment meter to be installed for free. If all of those things are ignored, they get cut off. I have to make that choice.

But what if there's an old lady who's afraid to answer the phone, husband died and she isn't financial/bill paying savvy? What if I cut her off? What or WHO does that make me?

The corporation I work for says 'Cut her off' but I have a personal choice. Do I do it? Or do I move on to the next account? If I want to do well at work I do it. If I want to be a good person I move on.

What are my obligations? Are my obligations as an employee more important than those obligations I have as a human being, knowing the struggle people are facing?

I know the stress and emotional trauma I cause when I push the disconnect button. And yes when I do it it is because the client has not paid their bill or attempted to meet their obligations as a customer. It is a last resort. But, I knowingly do something I know is going to cause Stress, Trauma, Emotional difficulty and not to mention the other effects....No Electricity or Heating!

I'm aware I'm in the wrong game - I know this. But the pay is good and the experience is something I will always have to fall back on - so technically, financially it is good for me to be in this position, doing this job. 

But morally, I don't agree with it!

I know it's a job that needs to be done. I just don't want to be the one that has to do it.

Am I safe from Karma? Or is my willingness to participate gonna come back and bite me?

At what stage does what we do for a living define us as people?

Introduction

Hi,

To be honest this first post is really just so I can play around a little bit with the layout of my blog before I really go full on with it.

I've come to the conclusion that I have too many opinions on too many subjects. Whilst I don't think this is a necessarily bad trait - it is clogging up my brain and I don't find myself in the right situations to always bring up my opinions. I think a lot about almost everything from many different angles. I need to get these thoughts and opinions out.

I'm going to do it here. I kind of hope you will too. YES you. In the comments. Do it.

Discuss...