Am I an alcoholic? Part 2

First glass down. Pouring the second. Still carefully estimating how much I want - taste-wise.

I'm comfortable now. The telly is good and it's making me feel warm inside now. Or is that the vodka. Doesn't matter I'm happy - that's whats important. Not why. I just am. I'm happy and I'm safe and I'm comfortable.

Content.

My mind slows down. Bliss. All that's going on is my hand movements from glass to face and enjoying the mindless entertainment on the TV. I needed this. This is my escape.

I didn't feel like I needed to escape. But when I do, escape, I realize how much I needed it.

Second glass down. Pouring the third. Little more Vodka now this time. The first two built me up and I can handle a bit more taste in the glass now. And it's high time I stepped the drunk up a notch. Everything is funnier then anyway and I want to have a good night.

Gonna go on Facebook and have a nosey and what's going on. More mindless entertaniment - exactly what I need. And I know when I go on Facebook with a few drinks I'll speak to people I wouldn't normally sober. I like that though because it's good to keep in touch. I'm always more emotional with a few drinks. That's good though it's important. I'm glad I can be that person. With a few drinks. I could probably be that person without a few drinks, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much.

There's a little pang from my bladder. I'll ignore it for a little bit. Don't want to break the seal just yet. There's plenty more liquids to come! And besides, the first time standing up since sitting down and feeling how drunk I am is a little highlight of the night. Lets me know I'm doing it right. The getting drunk and relaxing. I'm good at that. But I'm not drunk enough yet to stand up and feel it so I'll wait until I am. That reminds me. Pour the 4th. Make it a large. Lets get hammered. I wanna sway to that bathroom.

My night is a balanced mix of laughing, pouring, joking on facebook, drinking and weeing. It's 1am. I still have vodka left, that's good. I hate when I officially finish a bottle. I like to say - "I didn't drink a full bottle are you crazy, look there's loads left in that".

Anyway, the telly's gone boring, I'm starting to feel a little sick. Gonna hit the sack. I'll just have another little drink before I go up. I like this shopping channel. It's my favorite.

To be continued

Am I an alcoholic? Part 1

It's Friday afternoon and I'm in work. It's after lunch and I settle back into my afternoon tasks.

I can't wait to go home and get drunk. Seriously drunk. I want to go home, have a shower, get into my lounge-wear, sit on the couch, turn the TV on and have a Vodka.

Come on 5pm. I need to get home. I hope the bus gets through the traffic quickly today. I can feel the craving getting stronger. Damn it, why did I think about this so soon!

I really shouldn't drink tonight. I want to go out tomorrow night for that birthday party. I'm looking forward to it - I don't want to be hungover at it. I'll just have a couple when I get home to take the edge off.

I get home and put the bottle of Vodka and the bottle of Coke on the counter in the kitchen and say 'See ye soon'. Did I actually just say that to inanimate objects? Yes I did and I do it all the time so don't pretend to be shocked by it. And don't call them inanimate - you'll hurt their feelings. Sorry, Love you.

Jump in the shower, get into something comfortable. Do whatever little bits need doing in the house. I don't want anything nagging me to be done while I'm having my drink. The first sip initiates the start of my blissful evening and the end of my working day/week. All done, All clean and fresh - I'll sit down now.

I'll keep the bottle of Vodka and the bottle of Coke beside me. I don't want to have to get up unless I really need to. I don't need ice. I've learned not to like it - takes up too much room in the glass.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. There it is. That first sip. Instant Relief. The week washes away in that second. I can also tell from that first sip just how drunk I may or may not be tonight. I'll have another sip now, bigger than the first and I'll let that sit in my mouth for a few seconds before I swallow it.

It's on now. Another sigh of relief.

I'll have a flick through the TV channels, deciding what I want to watch for this evenings entertainment. I hate not having a seamless flow of entertainment. It can ruin my buzz sometimes. I HATE that.

Ah good - I love this show! Sit back, take another big sup. Ooooooh yes that's nice.

I'm home now.

-To Be Continued -

Am an I alcoholic? Part 3

Ugh - I hope it's not too early....Where's my phone???

I don't even remember how I got to bed. Ugh.

9.30am. Aaah no, I don't think so. I'm going back to sleep. If I can get a lie on then I might sleep off my hangover and I'll be on form for tonight for the party.

DAMN IT! I'm gonna have to get up and pee. It's not gonna go away. This better not wake me up for good.

I'm tossing and turning. Eyes feel like they're burning but my mind is not letting me go asleep. I'll check Facebook. And the news. Oh god cringe did I put that on his status!? I suppose it's not too bad, it wasn't too late and it doesn't scream 'drunken fool'....I can definitely explain that one away if I need to! I love how diplomatic I can be on Facebook when I'm drunk. I always feel a profound sense of achievement when I haven't embarrassed myself.

I'm just gonna chill out in bed for a while. Jesus I'm hungry. Gonna get something to eat. I need meat or something.

7pm. Been on the couch all day. Haven't moved. Ordered a take out at 6pm. It was lovely - hit the spot.
I haven't felt hungover - cos I haven't moved. I really, really hope I'm physically able to get drunk tonight. I should be, I feel fine.

Shower, clothes. Pour a drink. Take a sip. Break out in a vodka sweat.

SHIT. I'm screwed for the night now. Fake Smiling. Pretending to hear what people say.

FML. Why did I drink last night? I wish I could've waiting until tonight. Story of my life.

Well vodka I'm annoyed with you now. Well and truly. I'm never speaking to you again until Friday.